so part of this is to say that after AX, i most likely won't be taking photos at cons anymore but before that, an explanation of how i came to that decision is in order.
a photo shoot being pure collaboration is the ultimate goal of that i think many photographers try to achieve. this, however, is not always the case as one party develops a sense of entitlement to view or have some control over the other's work. this entitlement and control is where politeness gives way to attitude and where collaboration crumbles.
as a cosplayer creating costume FOR A CON (this is in caps because it is a very important part of what i am talking about), the purpose of that creation is generally to wear it for a certain convention, have other people see it, have pictures taken of it, and have fun with your friends. unless u are creating a costume for the specific reason that a certain single photographer will take photos of it, u are not creating a costume for any specific photo. if u are creating a costume for the sole purpose of relying on one photographer to take photos of it and that photographer has agreed to solely take photos of that costume, then this argument doesn't apply. however, if u are creating a costume for everyone to take photos of, everyone to see, everyone to comment on etc., it is no single photographer's job to take and give u photos of that costume.
now again, unless u have created a costume for 1 photog, for that sole purpose, etc., the photog has no right to tell u when a costume must or should be done by, no right to tell u how to construct the costume, no right to tell u what materials to use or tools to use, no right to tell u how to wear the costume, what parts should be better or what parts they do or don't like. can they make polite requests? sure. "Do u mind fixing this part," "do u mind shifting ur cape to the left," "do u mind holding this up," "are u going to have XYZ costume done by ABC con cause i'd love to take photos of it," "will u be bringing ur prop to ABC con cause i'd love to see it," "how long will it take u to complete ur costume cause i'd love to see it!" These are all examples of what is acceptable, polite, what doesn't exhibit entitlement and what doesn't exhibit control and of course, the cosplayer always has the last say, it could be "no" and it could be "yes" or a mixture of those two. in no way is the photog entitled to a certain answer. it doesn't matter if u decide to take a week or a year developing ur costume, no one has the right to demand when it be done by, how it looks, what material is used, etc... no one. that costume is urs and urs alone, not anyone else's.
likewise, this works the same with photos. unless u have agreed and talked about u (the photographer) being the only person a cosplayer is relying on for photos of that costume, the cosplayer has no right to demand when the photog takes photos, how many are taken, how they are taken, in what style they are taken, how they are processed, how long it takes to process them and when the photos are received (of course this changed drastically when the shoot is paid for but that is a different argument). can a cosplayer make polite requests? of course! for example, "do u think we can try this angle," " what do u think about this pose," "i have some ideas, is it ok if i show u what i have in mind," "is it at all possible to process the photos a certain way," "can we work together on the feel of the final product," "is it too much for me to ask to get the photos done by a certain time," "how are the photos going, i know this is not my place to ask but is there any way i can have at least 1 photo by XYZ time?' these are all examples of acceptable, polite questions that don't exhibit entitlement and don't exhibit control... and just like before, the photog always has the last say, whether that be "yes," "no" or a combination of the two. and just as the cosplayer's costume is their own to do with what they will, the photos are the photog's to do with what they will (this even holds legally unless the photog decides to mass produce and sell the photo but barring making money on the photo aside from a limited number of prints purely for art, the cosplayer does not own 1 bit of that photo, just as the photog doesn't own 1 bit of someone else's costume). whether that means they take a week, month, or year to post them or never post them, ultimately that is up to them. no one has the right to demand and control the situation other than the photog.
most cosplayers, in my experience, are very polite about it. they understand and accept this and go about expressing their wants in a very polite manner so that collaboration and working together can actually take place. however there are some who have a sense of entitlement that gives them the illusion that they can control when, how and how fast something happens (cosplayers and photogs alike). this is a misnomer... no matter what, no matter who u are, no matter what u think u've accomplished (which usually doesn't amount to much), u are in NO position to make demands... EVER. that is rude, that is presumptuous, that defeats the purpose of collaboration. i can make demands to myself; "get this photo done by the end of the week" and a cosplayer can make demands of their costume; "make this look better, get it done by ABC con"... NEVER can i make demands about someone else's costume, and NEVER can someone else make demands about a photographer's photos..... EVER. in NO WAY am in entitled to say when a costume needs to get done by and in NO WAY is a cosplayer entitled to say when a photo gets done by.... again, of course there are exceptions where a photog and cosplayer collaborate and agree or a cosplayer pays for a service, those are different and those are not what generally happens, or at the very least what is being discussed here.
always should politeness and GRATITUDE prevail. gratitude from the photog to the cosplayer for allowing them to take a photo of a certain costume or person, gratitude for wearing and making that costume and gratitude from the cosplayer to the photog for doing the work of taking the photo, processing the photo and posting the photo. both cosplayer and photog, before and after the fact, are owed nothing, the cosplayer doesn't have to make a costume for a photog or pose for the photo, the photog doesn't have to take or give a photo... period.
i capitalized gratitude because again, that is always what must be shown. gratitude for making and wearing a costume, even if it is not worn yet and gratitude for taking a photo, even if u never see it. when politeness and gratitude fail to entitlement and rudeness, the collaboration will undeniably fail... always. it also doesn't matter how gratitude is given. it can be saying "thank u" for wearing a costume or "thank u" for taking a photo, it can be a "thank u" for planning to do a costume or finishing a photo but again, at no point is either party entitled in any way to the other's work because once again, when entitlement shows up, collaboration fails.
so because of this (and other things), i have decided 2 things. one is that i want to move out of California ASAP cause i've found that the highest percentage of those who think they're entitled to what is not theirs live in California. i think this is a product of lack of cultural upbringing but this discussion can be saved for another date.
the other is that i don't want to deal with it and unfortunately a few ruin it for many (not that many will really care if i don't take photos at cons anymore but even still)... if ur wondering if this is about u, it's not, i'm not one to hide thoughts and feelings and if it's about u, u already know it. however, that being said, i don't have the time or effort to spare to deal with it. on my personal priority list comes work, personal health and when possible, time to relax. since many days i'm working 12 hours or more, the last thing i want to do is spending the few hours i have dealing with demands from a cosplayer with an enlarged sense of entitlement. so therefore, i made the decision to not accept any new requests for photos for Fanime and AX and not even bring my camera to cons thereafter. if i already promised u a shoot, i will honor that but after that, certain things come first.
to most this won't matter (and i don't expect it to matter to many), to some it might (it's presumptuous of me to think that anyone will really care) but that's that. when something ceases to be fun, more often than not, u should stop it and so while i'll probably pick it up again sometime in the future, i'll be shifting my photographic focus to things that are much less demanding like buildings, plants, scenery, etc....